bonnieandtilly

Have you ever known someone who has both the capability and desire to be so cruel that you can’t even wrap your head around it?  It’s so extreme it’s incomprehensible?  I don’t think I could ever be a criminal investigator, I think I have a lower-than-average tolerance for unsolicited abuse, be it physical, emotional, or whatever, especially when it is from someone they have put their trust and faith in.  Am I alone in this? Is it too much to ask that people behave with a modicum of respect and decency unless they have reason to behave otherwise?

Children are born into this world every day to parents who truly believe they love each other and will stay together always.  But too many of those children are forced to grow up early because one or both of those parents , for reasons seldom disclosed, turn sour… bitter… cruel… even evil.  They lie, they cheat, they hit, they scream. They physically, emotionally and sexually abuse their own flesh and blood. Incomprehensible. Inexcusable. Unforgivable?

Young people go out into the world with hopes, dreams, aspirations — convinced the world is their oyster, taught to believe that they can accomplish anything if they have enough faith and determination… but in reality, reaching those lofty goals requires trusting people along the way.  Teachers, mentors, heroes, protectors, leaders, friends, employers, lovers, and most of all themselves.  So what happens to those young people when their teachers fail to prepare them?  When their mentors turn their backs on them?  When their heroes turn out to be false?  When those sworn to protect them don’t even try?  When their governmental and/or religious leaders are more concerned with their personal gain than the welfare of their constituency?  When their friends turn out to be of the fair-weather variety?  When their employers cheat them, steal from them, rape or abuse them?  When their lovers betray them, cheat on them, enslave them, or bully and beat them?  And most importantly, when reality hits them so hard they can no longer cope with their very existence much less dare to dream – or set goals they believe they will ever attain?

Most people know that a large number of these young people turn toward drugs, crime, prostitution, or grow into abusers themselves.  Our prisons and jails are full of these lost youth who have grown into outcasts through little fault of their own.  Many people also realize that thousands of young (and not-so-young) people commit suicide every year because of a reality they were not prepared for.

But I wonder how many people realize that there are many, many of these young people who survive their messed-up childhood – the painful memories – the unreached goals – the betrayal and abuse from those they loved and trusted – the beatings, the rapes, the failures, the condemnation… the feelings of worthlessness.  Where are they?  What are they doing?  Why did they survive "on the outside" when so many others did not?  What makes them different that they didn’t give in, or give up when their lives became, literally, impossible to bear?

Is it part of God’s plan?  I often wonder if those are the children who have been asked so very much of because they are being honed for great works in the future, or the ever after…  If we are placed here – or if we have chosen to come here – to live out the lives that we’ve been given for some future purpose, it stands to reason doesn’t it that those children of God who are most heavily tested are tried for a reason?  And who am I, who are you, who are any of us to decide whether or not His plan is unfair, or unjustified, or flawed?  Maybe those children have spent their lives feeling that everyone they trust can and will eventually betray them because God needs to toughen their skin, hone their instincts, so He will know they will be strong enough to survive much worse than what mankind can throw at them… Maybe what mankind can do is but a small fraction of what true evil is?  And maybe, just maybe, they are being prepared to be God’s teachers, mentors, heroes, protectors, and leaders to his heavenly children.

I hope that those who suffer on earth do so for a reason that is simply incomprehensible to us because we have yet to know why the tests are necessary.  I pray that someday, when my life on earth is over, I will have the honor to meet these people, hug them, and thank them for the sacrifices they made on earth so we all may live happily in the ever after.  Perhaps, if I find a way to overcome the diversity in my life, if I am able to learn how to cope and even heal from the wounds that have been inflicted on me, if I can make myself forgive those who have hurt and betrayed me, and most importantly, if I can learn to love myself again or find in my own heart and soul the will to go on – keep fighting this seemingly unwinnable battle – forgive myself for the choices that in hindsight seem so blatantly stupid… If I can learn to believe I am worth something – maybe not to a someone – but definitely to God, than maybe someday when your life on earth is over, and you have the honor of meeting God’s most heavily tested children — his teachers, mentors, heroes, protectors, and leaders — you will hug me, and thank me… and my life on earth will have been worthwhile — and my existence will be complete.