Archive for the ‘Career & Education’ Category
The 7 Powers of Persuasion
Posted on: November 23, 2012
Have you ever wished you could “make” someone agree with you? Have you ever wondered how a salesperson managed to get you to buy something you really didn’t want? Have you ever heard the phrase “Getting to Yes” or “Closing the Sale” and thought that would be a useful skill?
Well, when we make decisions, our brains are hard-wired to take mental shortcuts. Internal mechanisms help us quickly assimilate information and take the correct next step. It stands to reason, then, that those who understand how these mechanisms work would have an enormous power to “help” others make easy, quick decisions.
There are seven “triggers” listed below. Naturally, it takes time and study to master them, and far more information than the nibble I’ve posted here, but if you are interested in learning more, I used to offer a course that covers the elements of each trigger, how to activate each of them, and how to apply them both individually and in combinations. It’s a process of determining which triggers will be most easily activated in each persuasive encounter you have.
If you are interested in setting something up, just leave me a comment with your contact information. All my comments are held until I allow them to be posted, so your information will never be shown on my blog.
Persuasion is the single most important business and personal skill to learn. Without the skill of persuasion, leaders would be unable to lead, salespeople would be unable to sell, motivational speakers would be unable to motivate, and so on. Persuasion is the key to success in every facet of life. Most people don’t understand the key elements of persuasion and fewer still apply the process well
1. The Friendship Trigger: Trust, Friendship and Common Bonds.
Friendship is a fundamental trigger that works by itself, and underlies and supports virtually every other trigger. When you establish the elements of friendship, persuasion becomes much easier. We are far more likely to be persuaded by someone we trust and feel friendly toward than by a stranger.
2. The Authority Trigger: Show Credibility, Knowledge and Authority.
Ethos, the Authority trigger, is one of the three primary triggers defined by Aristotle around 435 BC. Like Friendship, Authority is a critical emotional trigger, a pre-requisite for other triggers. When people believe you are an expert, are experienced, know what you are talking about, persuasion compliance follows. The key is to wisely activate your partner’s Authority trigger. Authority/Expertise is an exceptionally powerful trigger that is fairly easy to aquire and communicate.
3. The Consistency Trigger: Some of Us are Slaves to Consistency.
Remember this truism: We are slaves to consistency and conformity. From birth forward, we assemble a databank of beliefs, feelings and actions that form the bedrock of who we are and how we react to stimuli. We are required to be consistent with the feelings we have about ourselves, and to conform to our respected peers. The Consistency trigger allows us to make instantaneous, automatic decisions.
4. The Reciprocity Trigger: The Universal Requirement for Quid Pro Quo.
Fun, easy to facilitate, and guaranteed to work, the Reciprocity trigger always delivers and the outcome is consistently a win-win situation. Psychologists have been able to watch the brain react for over a decade and have concluded that it is the Reciprocity trigger that is responsible for helping human civilization start, grow and flourish. It’s a powerful trigger and plays a huge role in the persuasion process.
5. The Contrast Trigger: Perceptions Rule.
Those individuals you are trying to persuade always have alternative approaches to meet their needs. Your job is to persuade them that your product, solution, or service is better than any alternative. The savvy persuader will know precisely how to compare and contrast options — even the option of doing nothing — in a way that motivates others to say YES! The contrast trigger is scientifically documented and incredibly effective, easy and fun to use. Perhaps most importantly it helps you organize the order and structure of your presentation for maximum results.
6. The Reason Why Trigger: Provide a Reason and You Will Persuade.
This is one of the quickest triggers to get to YES! Simply give your partner a reason why he/she/they should do what you want. That’s it. The amygdala seems to accept a valid reason, and doesnt even bother to send the information to the cerebral cortex for further evaluation. The amygdala OK’s the reason as a shortcut to avoid heavy thinking. Until we understood the amygdala-cortex connection, the Reason Why trigger was just a hit-or-miss process. But now we understand the relationship and are able to fine-tune the process for consistant results.
7. The Hope Trigger: The Strongest Motivator.
This is both the most powerful and the most important trigger of them all. Hope drives all human motivation. It is the bedrock for decision and action. Decisions and actions to achieve our hopes, dreams, needs and wants will always trump logic, reason and cognitive thought. The amygdala quickly and consistently triggers immediate decisions when the Hope trigger is ativated.
Naturally, this is just a taste of what mastering the powers of persuasion entails. I hope it has sparked your interest and “persuaded” you to want to learn more. It’s a fastinating subject to study and life-changing when employed.
Gather Knowledge
Posted on: October 12, 2012
How many of the things we own come with a lifetime warranty? Maybe a nice set of knives, a kitchen table, or a toolset if we are lucky. Now, which of our possessions has an eternal warranty? Joseph Smith taught that “whatever principle of intelligence we attain in this life, it will rise with us in the resurrection,” meaning the things we learn now will stay with us, and benefit us, even after our mortal lives end (Doctrine and Covenants 130:18). God expects all of us to gather as much knowledge as we are able—at school, at work and on our own. Doing so will help us through the challenges of this life, bring us closer to Him and prepare us for the life to come.
It’s All About Today
Posted on: July 5, 2012
"Everyone has the power to impact the outcome of his life."
~ John C. Maxwell
The way to do this is to focus on today. Today is the only time we really have, isn’t it? Let’s face it, it’s too late for yesterday, and who knows what might happen tomorrow.
John Maxwell teaches a 12-step process (no, this is not AA) to gain control over and learn to manage our daily lives.
He asks, "Do you have enough time available to spend with and on the people you love?" I don’t.
He asks, "Have you found success in your career?" I’m getting really close on that one.
I’ve been following his lessons and have begun to take stock of myself. He tells us we can make a masterpiece out of each and every day, and I am beginning to believe it.
I try each morning to prioritize my agenda, so at the end of the day, the tasks that are inevitably left undone are of the least importance. Some of these tasks have been held over for days, and before I started practicing Maxwell’s process, that would have driven me crazy, but I realize now that no one really cares, or even notices. When they become a high-enough priority to move up my daily list, they will get done. That will still be on time, or, as is often the case, I eventually realize that there is really no need to do the task at all.
And it feels SO darn good to scratch it off my mental list and throw it away — like I’m getting away with something. Grins!
I am a high-creativity kind of person to begin with, but now I make a conscious effort to generate new ideas every day. When I owned my company it made me a more flexible entrepreneur. When I managed others it made me a more valuable supervisor. Now, as a “professional volunteer” it is making me very well-excepted within my organization.
There are some commitments I have made to myself — some of them many years ago — that I have never let up on, or have re-invested in. I make a point of reinforcing these commitments every day. I have them written down on a notecard by my mirror so I see them every morning and every night. I have gone to bed realizing I did not take overt action on some commitment or other a few times, but it has such a profound impact on me that I am certain to make a greater effort to do so the next day. It’s pretty much a habit now. I don’t have to read it, I know it by heart. Just looking at it causes me to run a quick mental inventory. In the morning I ask myself what ways I can slip into my agenda actions to fulfill my "vital commitments" for that day. At night, I run a quick summary of my day and look for times I could have acted but did not, or commitments I failed to act on at all.
I realized a while ago (because I was forced to) that I can manage my own money. I am not frivolous, nor am I a miser. That said, I HATE DOING IT!!!! So, I usually have one or two priorities regarding my finances that I want to procrastinate if at all possible. I consciously put those at the top of my To Do List so I get the “nasties” out of the way and can then move on to more enjoyable activities.
Maxwell tells us we need to always be strengthening our faith. I have had some poor experiences related to the church I belong to, so that area has been difficult for me. But, I have found ways to strengthen my faith outside of church. I have a strong testimony and my life story is a rather interesting one, so I owe it to myself, other women, and I suppose God, to tell my story at some point. Many people who know me are encouraging me to do so, but I’ve been putting it off. It’s on that list, but still toward the bottom. I believe, when the time is right, I will be compelled to make it a priority. Until then, I’ve got plenty to keep me busy!
Another of Maxwell’s steps involves reaching out to others, making connections, and building relationships. I’m really having a difficult time with this one. I moved to Texas to spend a year in service and, I suppose, to find myself again. After having spent my entire adult life being what my family wanted and needed me to be, I felt it was “now or never” to do what i believed in for myself. That said, I feel moved to make as much of this year as I can and sometimes I forget that there is more to life than work and study. I need to force myself to socialize – odd for me.
Lastly, and the purpose of this journal, I am searching within myself every day to find ways to make myself more valuable — to my community, my peers, my family, my totally awesome dog, my church and, most importantly, God.
The Buddha and the Abuse
Posted on: July 19, 2011
I found this story back in 2007 on the website www.businessballs.com.
A tale is told about the Buddha, Gautama (563-483 BC), the Indian prince and spiritual leader whose teachings founded Buddhism. This short story illustrates that every one of us has the choice whether or not to take personal offence from another person’s behavior.
It is said that on an occasion when the Buddha was teaching a group of people, he found himself on the receiving end of a fierce outburst of abuse from a bystander, who was for some reason very angry.
The Buddha listened patiently while the stranger vented his rage, and then the Buddha said to the group and to the stranger, “If someone gives a gift to another person, who then chooses to decline it, tell me, who would then own the gift? The giver or the person who refuses to accept the gift?”
“The giver,” said the group after a little thought. “Any fool can see that,” added the angry stranger.
“Then it follows, does it not,” said the Buddha, “Whenever a person tries to abuse us, or to unload their anger on us, we can each choose to decline or to accept the abuse; whether to make it ours or not. By our personal response to the abuse from another, we can choose who owns and keeps the bad feelings.”
How often do we blame another for making us feel bad, when in fact we have only ourselves to blame for having chosen to let their actions cause us misery?
~B
(7) Documentation
Posted on: July 18, 2011
I’m going to make this short and sweet because now that I’ve finished dealing with the problem, I want to go on to something new. As I stated in previous posts, the best place to go if you are into learning more about how to deal with issues of this sort is www.walkthetalk.com. Here’s how I was taught to document discussions:
- Describe the problem using facts and specific actions, including descriptions of the desired and actual performance, and the impact and consequences identified (your lists).
- Describe the “offenders’” history to include how long the problem has been going on, any previous discussions or formal disciplinary action, and an indication if the “offenders” have failed to keep commitments that were engaged in prior discussions.
- Describe the discussion itself to include the time, date and location, specific comments/statements made by the “offender” – especially the agreement, all actions the “offenders” said they would take to correct the problem, and as I had to do, include what I told the “offenders” when mandating compliance.
This is all about the facts. Nothing subjective should be included. That’s the hardest part for me. I am, by nature, a very subjective person. I have to focus on producing positive behavior, not placing blame or excusing actions. I don’t know who originally stated it, I found it written in my notes, but I love this quote:
Remember that your purpose is not to “write THEM UP” but to “write IT DOWN.”
~B
(6) The Discussion
Posted on: July 18, 2011
My goal was to obtain my “offenders’” cooperation to make a change for the better. First, I wanted them to agree with the change action because it would greatly increase the chance that they will actually correct it. Second, if they don’t correct it, the next conversation will involve not just their continuing behavioral problem, but their failure to keep their commitment to affect the change.
I wanted the responsibility to be theirs, without a doubt, so that if this process needs to be repeated I can honestly state that they simply did not do what they said they would do. Apparent that I’m not acting out – or being unfair… they are, for not following through with their commitment.
There are seven stages of discussion taught, and I need not define them here… if you are that into this, you should check out the walkthetalk website.
- “I need your help to solve a problem.” Non-accusatory “I” statements.
- Description of desired and actual performance.
- “What happened?” Seeking an explanation that allows the “offenders” a chance to explain their behaviors.
- “Do you understand why it is important to fix this?” Asking for agreement.
My discussions resulted in the need to point out the consequences, not just the impacts. It was necessary to mandate compliance. Because of this the discussion did not go further. However, to complete the exercise I have finished the stages for you…
- Discuss possible solutions. They need to OWN this decision so it’s important not to tell them what they have to do. Try to come to a mutually desirable solution together.
- If formal discipline is involved, notify the “offender.”
- End on a positive note whenever possible. Try to preserve the “offenders’” self-esteem. It will go far toward ensuring their following through with the commitment they juts made.
You can download for free “7 Ways to Minimize the Need for Performance Improvement Sessions” from www.walkthetalk.com.
~B
(5) Types of Discussions
Posted on: July 17, 2011
OK.
I’ve thought it out, analyzed it, investigated (researched) the facts and prepared my lists of impacts and consequences. It’s time to talk.
Based on the facts that surface during the first four steps, I am able to determine the type of conversation to best address the problem with.
Most often, problem solving (done right) helps us avoid formal disciplinary action. That’s the point of it. In my case, I was not given the authority to formally discipline my “offenders.” If my attempts “fail” someone else will be responsible for that.
walkthetalk.com has a preparation checklist for performance problem discussions. I’ll copy it here and let everyone catch up, then I will write about the discussion I had in my next post.
- Identify the DESIRED and ACTUAL performance in specific, behavioral terms. Write them down.
- Determine the negative IMPACT of the problem – the ways others are affected – in specific terms. Write them down.
- Identify the realistic CONSEQUENCES the employee will face if the problem is not resolved. Write them down.
- Check “past practices.” Have similar problems occurred elsewhere in the organization? How were they handled?
- Determine what type of discussion is appropriate. Coaching? Counseling? Formal Discipline?
- Seek counsel and obtain necessary approvals if formal discipline is involved.
See walkthetalk.com for more resources such as this… Awesome programs. I learned a lot from them while doing my Master’s coursework. I developed this plan of action from my class notes. So nice to know my type A personality pays off once in a while. 🙂
~B
As a management consultant, one of the primary duties I held was to help resolve performance and attitude problems. Interestingly, most of the attitude problems I was hired to resolve were based on performance problems… I solve people problems, which is why I felt so powerless being directly involved in one of this caliber. If you are just tuning in, I’ve numbered the posts related to this “workshop” in the order they should be read. I am walking myself through a self-analysis and consulting myself as if I were a client – this is a good refresher course for me.
People come in all varieties – and so do their problems. As such, there are no pre-packaged responses that I can unwrap and engage. Differing circumstances call for differing responses. I need to assess WHY this problem needs resolution, WHAT should be done if the “offender” fails to comply with the solution, and what kind of dialog/ communication format will serve my needs best?
The bigger the performance gap, the more serious my response needs to be. But it needs to remain constructive, respectful, and if at all possible, POSITIVE in nature.
Resolution:
When faced with the facts validating the performance gap, my “offenders” did not buy into the importance of resolving the problem. They saw it as MY problem, because it did not bother them. I had to refrain from justifying WHY from a position of power… “Because I’m in charge and I say so.” just won’t cut it… nothing positive in that and I do not lead by intimidation. The power/authority approach usually puts the “offender” on the defensive and breeds resentment.
In order to determine valid reasons for the “offenders” to commit to change, and to determine what kind of discussion I need to conduct (coaching, counseling or formal discipline) I need to take two variables into account: Impact and Consequences.
Impact deals with the negative effects of the problem (on the work environment, clients, the bottom line). Determining the impact gives me objective reasons why the problem must be solved.
I made a list of the five most obvious impacts the problem at hand is causing. It established not only my right to expect change, but my obligation as a leader to make sure it happens. It gave my “offenders” reasons they should cooperate that did not involve threats or power trips. It minimized the risk of my being considered “unfair” or “out to get them.”
Unfortunately, my “offenders” still did not accept responsibility for their role in causing the problem we addressed. I realized they were not going to “get it” as I was presenting it because they couldn’t see how it affected them personally. These are not team players I’m working with here.
It became necessary for me to present my “offenders” with a short list of negative outcomes (consequences) they will experience should they chose not to cooperate. Not threats – I didn’t tell them they would lose their jobs (I am not in the position to fire them anyway). I jut pointed out the predictable outcomes (to most of us they were obvious but not to these two) should they fail to comply (relationships with other employees, reputation, los of bonuses, limits to advancement, possible disciplinary action in the future). Because I thought out these consequences before entering into the conversation I was able to present them when my “offenders” refused to accept their responsibilities.
~B
You have what you expect a person’s performance to be…
Then you have what their performance actually is.
If the actual performance does not live up to your expectations, there is a problem. The wider the gap, the bigger the problem.
Seems pretty simple, yes? Not always. The goal is, of course, to close this gap, but to do that there needs to come a point where the “offender” is able to acknowledge there is a problem and then makes a commitment to fix it. This takes communication – honest and open without being threatening – therein lies the difficult part.
The walkthetalk.com folks (brought them into this earlier) have taught me that there are two “keys” to doing this right, thinking and preparation.
It’s all about not letting your emotions get in the way. You can’t just react to situations. You have to make sure you understand what the performance gap entails because you are going to have to explain it to a person who is so oblivious to it they can’t even see it while THEY are doing it.
This involves preparing “behavioral statements” that define both your desired and actual expectations. Behavioral statements are how we describe what people say and do. We use them to present the facts.
In case you all have not noticed yet, I’m going to do my best NOT to describe the actual issues on the table. I don’t want to risk offending the “offenders.” So as an unrelated example:
DESIRED: New clients are to be personally contacted for follow-up within 48 hours of their initial appointment with us…
ACTUAL: Two new clients on Monday were not contacted for follow-up until Thursday. One new client on Tuesday was not contacted for follow-up at all.
Resolution:
By taking this approach I will avoid speaking in vague terms or sounding too judgmental. There will be minimal risk that the “offender” will misinterpret my intentions or misunderstand what I expect of them. No opinions, no subjective statements, no generalizations. Just the observable, measurable facts.
Judgments may very well be correct. But that doesn’t matter here. Opinions are debatable by nature and invite argument, but it’s hard to dispute the facts, especially when you have paperwork or stats to back them up. If I do my research, get the facts, and present them objectively, our discussion should be focused on working out a solution rather then pointing the finger and placing blame.
~B
(2) Discipline vs. Punishment
Posted on: July 16, 2011
Most people, when they think of discipline, really think about punishment – something that happens when you misbehave – often associated with pain. But, they are NOT the same.
Traditional thought states that if we inflict enough pain on those who misbehave, they will begin to alter that behavior. Additionally, it is inferred that not only will they “get it” now but if they do not improve they will “get it” worse in the future.
Many of us were raised under this influence, but it doesn’t work so well with adults. Adults don’t respond progressively better when treated progressively worse. When we are punished we tend to feel rejected, humiliated, and frustrated. I remember learning as a child that the trick wasn’t so much to do a better job as it was to do a better job of not getting caught.
We all know people who do the very least they can get away with on the job. Worse are those who spend all their time and energy trying to “get even.” One of my “offenders” falls into this category. She does things intended to cause problems for me, and in doing so she causes problems for our team, and our company. She also “offends” those who are “in my care” at work as a way to cause problems for me, creating a whole new set of problems that I have to deal with.
Confronting someone in the workplace exposes us to huge risks and liabilities if not dealt with correctly. Legal, morale, reputation and more could be affected. It will certainly affect the trust we have for each other. So, no matter how satisfying it may be to lash out – or punish – the offender, a plethora of negative consequences makes it a lousy option.
I want to deal with this in a fair, appropriate way. I don’t want the other people I work with to think I’m the “bad guy.” But failing to act is not an option – I decided that earlier. It is important that these offenses be addressed and that others in the workforce do not come to believe the behaviors are acceptable.
I learned that when facing problems (either-or situations) that require I choose between two equally important ends: getting results or maintaining relationships, I don’t have to sacrifice one for the other. They are not mutually exclusive. I can get both if I manage the process in the right way.
While punishment should be avoided, discipline need not be. Discipline is about helping others understand what is expected of them. It’s about solving problems, achieving the desired levels of behavior, and getting results.
Discipline isn’t an action I have to take against a person who “misbehaves.” It’s about helping the other person make good choices about working together ethically and productively. I need to focus on problem-solving and each of us treating the other as adults (which requires acting like adults as well).
If we each have meaningful responsibilities, and accept accountability for them, we will each perform as expected. When we fail to do this, we need to be given the opportunity to correct the problem. Doing this should lead to a better work environment and stronger relationships with co-workers. When we know what to expect, we are more able to trust.
Discipline is based on commitment (a disciplined person behaves in ways that can be predicted)… people choosing to do what is right because THEY believe in it and are involved in the process.
Discipline can and should be a positive process that produces positive results. I believe that to succeed, the 5-step model mentioned in the last post should be used: Identify – Analyze – Discuss – Document – Follow-up.
I’m following the performance improvement process outlined on www.walkthetalk.com. I learned about this process in a class I took for my Masters many years ago. I have not accessed the site since so I cannot verify where this information can be found on it. I will verify the site when I am able and repost a corrected link if necessary.
~B
bonnieandtilly 